You certainly have character traits in which you pride yourself. We all do. These qualities define us, drive our success, and embody our most cherished values. We may even be quite respected and admired for these amazing traits, often complimented for our consistent demonstration of character. And we lock on to these traits, because they have led us to success – rewards, promotions, more friends, more accolades, and so on. But what happens when our very best traits start to work against us and become obstacles, rather than assets?
We can over-rotate on our strengths to the extent that we create liabilities, do damage to ourselves or our businesses, create unintended consequences, and develop bad habits or behaviours that are hard to break. The idea of shifting or re-calibrating our strengths might be highly destabilizing for some – as these traits have served us well.
Traits and the infinite loop – think about it
One of our greatest challenges is noticing when we are ‘stuck’. Tenacity (also can be a good trait) and holding so firmly to our long-held and much loved-traits is also the very thing actually getting in the way of our progress. We hold on so fiercely to our traits sometimes that we are willing to endure some of the worst stress in our professional and personal lives, or allow mistreatment from others. Here’s a little secret: others don’t see the world the way we do! 🙂 So we become tolerant of what’s going on around us, yet we may be falling apart inside. Keep in mind, every strength or strong trait we exhibit has a shadow lurking on the other side. Consider the following examples:
- Ambition: Ambition, productivity, accomplishment are drivers which help us to achieve, to set lofty goals, and to push ourselves beyond our limits. At work or in a volunteer situation, this can lead to others targeting you for extra projects and assignments. And your ambition won’t let you say no to such requests. You let it pile on because at the center of your core is that reward from achievement, and rejecting request is the antithesis of the ambition you embody. Think about it.
- Empathy: Being empathetic is a great feeling because we can connect deeply with others, understand them, and offer support. So, you become the go-to for all-things ‘drama’ – because you’ve got this, right? What happens when you need an empathetic ear and you need support? Are you supposed to sit in silence and just be, ok? Many of us do because we are known for our empathy and our ability to sit with pain and suffering. Think about it.
- Resilience: Closely tied to ambition, resilience can be deeply rooted in perseverance in the face of challenges. Sadly, this often puts you in a position where you don’t recognize when to ask for help, change direction, or even take a step back. Worse… you can end up being everyone’s worst nightmare because you’re the one who has the ‘toxic positivity’ affliction! Think about it.
- Attention to Detail: While we can all appreciate the one who has a meticulous eye for detail – this trait can also damage your well-being and can drive others away. Perfectionism, paralysis by analysis, and an inability to see the bigger picture can be a road to burnout and breakdowns in relationships. This too can land you with a lot of extra work and assignments, because you’re the dependable one who won’t let mistakes happen! Think about it.
We miss the signs
It’s hard to face it when our strengths have become our enemies, and it often happens gradually and subtly. Over time, the balance tips, and what was once a positive attribute becomes a source of stress, conflict, or limitation. Often, there are signs… but we are so determined that the strong traits serve us so well that we aren’t willing to pay attention and notice what’s at play. We tell ourselves that it must be something else causing the problem. Either way, it becomes an endless loop of distress that’s hard to stop:
- Increased Stress and Anxiety: Feeling constantly on edge, overwhelmed, or unable to relax can indicate that a strength like ambition or attention to detail is being overused.
- Burnout: Chronic exhaustion, both physical and emotional, is a clear sign that resilience or dedication has been pushed too far.
- Relationship Strain: Your emotional drain or your ambition is causing you to neglect loved ones or important people in your life.
- Rigidity: An unwillingness to adapt, compromise, or let go of certain standards can be a sign that a strength like attention to detail is becoming a hindrance.
Finding Balance
Finding balance is highly individualized – and it depends on you. Nothing in life is permanent and things and people will change whether you want them to or not. What we need to do is assess how our strong traits are serving us, and what rewards we reap from them, vs. what about those traits is creating unintended consequences in our lives. Here are a few tips that might help:
- Self-Reflection: Regularly assess how your strengths are impacting your life. Honest self-reflection can help you recognize when it’s time to adjust.
- Set boundaries: If you’re naturally empathetic or ambitious, set clear boundaries to protect your well-being – take the space you need to care for your own needs.
- Talk to trusted friends, family, and mentors: Sometimes, others can see when our strengths are becoming weaknesses before we do. Talk to people you trust to get their perspective.
- Work on developing other traits: Developing a broader range of skills and traits can help prevent over-reliance on any single strength. For instance, if you’re highly ambitious, find ways to say no to extra work (setting boundaries).
Remember, you’re human
Over-rotating on our strengths is part of being human. Of course, we lean into what works best for us a majority of the time. Just try to start noticing and practicing ways to shift the balance. And if you’re really stuck – get a coach! 🙂
/kd